You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize