i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
