i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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