Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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