Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
