is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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