i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
