She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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