I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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