I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
operation have a gay friend backfired
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
