May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
