med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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