Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
