I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
