whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
