We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
