I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
