Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
