Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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