3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
