I think i peed on brittanys purse
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
