I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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