Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
