So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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