it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
