Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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