She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
