He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
