Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
