My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
