Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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