My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
