True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
