I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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