Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
