My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
