1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
