I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
