he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
These tits shall not be calmed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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