I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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