just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
