No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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