i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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