Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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