I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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