when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
