Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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