JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
