Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
