Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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