Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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