I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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