the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
