Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
