I accidentally had phone sex last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
