I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
