I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
