Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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