is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
