organizing the empties. That sober.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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